“I Need It To Cease:” Teen Shot By Police Struggled With Despair, Nervousness

Jessica Newburn noticed his textual content seem simply as she turned on her cellphone that fall morning at 5:54, and with the message got here aid. Her finest good friend was nonetheless alive.

“I do not know whether or not I ought to thanks or hate you for getting my brother,” wrote Ruben Urbina, a floppy-haired honor-roll scholar who, at 15, was so slight that he appeared extra like a middle-schooler.

The evening earlier than, on Sept. 14, Ruben had tried to hold himself, and now he was making an attempt to explain it to Jessica.

“I am simply extra apprehensive in regards to the expertise I felt earlier than I used to be about to move out,” he continued. “I by no means felt something like that. I used to be in probably the most panicked state ever.”

The 2 lived in the identical Northern Virginia townhouse advanced, simply 12 doorways down from one another. They’d met two years earlier attending PACE West, a Prince William County faculty that helps youngsters with emotional disabilities, and so they’d bonded over the torment that led them there: nervousness, melancholy, self-harm. At a time when American youngsters are killing themselves at historic charges – with nooses, capsules and, more and more, weapons – they grew to become important to one another’s survival.

Ruben, a sophomore, had particularly struggled within the three weeks since their return to high school from summer season break. Jessica, a junior, noticed cuts on his arm and confronted him, however he would not discuss it.

Proper earlier than he tried to hold himself, they’d a battle and he lashed out, insisting in a collection of texts that he did not need to see her anymore. Amid the anger, although, he additionally voiced his despair.

“I’ve had all these ideas pile up in my head now that I am unable to even suppose anymore,” Ruben wrote. “I need it to cease.”

“Are you OK?” responded Jessica, 16, as a result of she knew the place these ideas may take him. He had almost ended his personal life with capsules a number of weeks earlier.

“Do not do something silly.”

She despatched him a foolish meme of a fats man sitting on a bench subsequent to the title “Breaking Benches,” a play on the TV present “Breaking Unhealthy.” She’d used it earlier than to make him really feel higher when he wanted it most, however this time, it did not work.

“I am simply glad I lastly have the balls to kill myself,” he wrote. “See ya :).”

“Yo wtf,” she responded, earlier than texting his older brother, Oscar, that Ruben wanted assist. She messaged Oscar’s girlfriend, too.

“Cease him. Name the cops for endangerment of himself or one thing,” Jessica wrote her. “Simply do not let him kill himself.”

Ruben’s 18-year-old sibling rushed house and sprinted upstairs, screaming and slamming on his brother’s locked door till the boy opened it, crying. Oscar, whose girlfriend assured Jessica that they’d made it in time, could not discover no matter Ruben had strung round his throat.

“I am too scared to expertise that once more,” Ruben texted Jessica the subsequent morning.

“What all occurred,” she responded as she obtained prepared for college and headed to the bus.

“I am not going to speak about it now.”


“Why could not you simply do nothing about it,” he requested.

“As a result of I am a human being and I’ve sympathy.”

“It would not matter,” he continued. “I am going to attempt once more another day.”

She was nonetheless mad at him for the hurtful issues he’d messaged the evening earlier than, and he or she informed him so.

“I am unsure if I ought to get some critical assist or if I ought to depart it’s,” he texted.

“Get assist,” she pleaded.

“I simply have a f—ed up mind.”

He apologized.

“I do not know the best way to clarify what occurred. Can we please discuss after faculty,” wrote Ruben, who had determined to skip that day.


Her bus pulled up at PACE and he or she informed him goodbye, then turned her cellphone off.

She understood his struggling as a result of Jessica – who, along with her father’s permission, talked about her relationship with Ruben and shared a whole lot of their texts with The Washington Put up – had already endured what she hoped was her worst second. The teenager had as soon as spent three days in a hospital after slicing open her thighs and swallowing greater than 40 Benadryl, however she’d come a good distance since then, proof in her thoughts that Ruben may, too.

“I’ve gotten higher,” she would inform him. “You will get higher.”

And Jessica would inform him once more that afternoon, she thought. When both of them felt unhappy or overwhelmed or simply bored, the buddies would take walks collectively, typically to a favourite spot within the woods of suburban Haymarket, the place they’d sit on a bench and stare out throughout a pond. So, Jessica figured, they’d go on one other one in all their walks after faculty, make one another snicker. He’d name her Jess, she’d name him Wooben, and so they’d fall again into their model of regular.

However on the finish of the day, when her bus pulled into their neighborhood, she noticed police vehicles lining the streets.

Her father and stepmother had been ready of their SUV.

“Daddy, what is going on on?” Jessica requested.

An officer, he informed her, had shot somebody at Ruben’s house.

At first, they thought it was his older brother, however when she known as Ruben’s cellphone, he did not reply. When she texted that she was sorry, he did not reply.

It was then that Jessica seen the messages he’d despatched her earlier, when she’d been in school along with her cellphone turned off.

In a single: “I am just a few child who has main melancholy dysfunction and extreme nervousness who’s in all probability bipolar too.”

And after that: “Simply have a look at the those who do silly s— like me and do not observe of their footsteps.”

And at last: “Feelings are solely short-term. Do not let it take over you prefer it did to me.”

An hour later, Jessica heard one thing on TV that she did not need to consider.

“The information is saying a 15 12 months outdated was shot and killed,” she messaged her finest good friend. “Please do not be you. Please.”

Ruben was exterior, she mentioned. He had a knife.

By then, he’d already dialed 911.

Calmly, police mentioned, Ruben informed the Prince William County operator that he had a bomb strapped to his chest, although he did not. He insisted he was holding his mom hostage, although he wasn’t. He warned he had blades and prompt he may get a gun, although he could not.

He claimed, investigators mentioned, that “he didn’t need to dwell anymore.”

Then he hung up.

Moments later, Oscar and his girlfriend discovered Ruben within the storage, wielding a three-foot-long crowbar.

“I known as the police,” Ruben mentioned, “to allow them to kill me.”

The ligature marks on his neck from the evening earlier than had been nonetheless uncooked.

“All the things’s OK,” Oscar mentioned, making an attempt to persuade his brother that no matter he was feeling would move, simply because it had earlier than.

Each boys, the household mentioned in interviews, had lengthy contended with suicidal ideas, present process years of remedy and taking antidepressants. It was Oscar, although, who had at all times been the violent one, moving into bloody fights, even serving time in jail. Ruben had as soon as been hospitalized after making an attempt to overdose on Zoloft, however he was by no means aggressive. Intensely shy at instances, he favored to skateboard and play video video games, examine the historical past of the Soviet Union and browse the work of astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. He made A’s and B’s. He needed to develop into a graphic designer when he grew up.

Oscar may see little of that light child in the dead of night, anguished eyes of the boy standing earlier than him. He thought-about tackling Ruben, simply 5-foot-2 and 120 kilos, however his brother threatened him with the crowbar.

“Get away from me,” he informed Oscar and his girlfriend.

Ruben moved exterior, in entrance of their house, simply as police drew close to. At 10:58 a.m., two officers parked down the road, conscious of the bomb risk. It was a balmy 75 levels, however Ruben nonetheless wore a heavy grey North Face jacket, making it laborious to inform whether or not he’d hid one thing inside.

Oscar ran towards the police, making an attempt to intervene, however they informed him to again away.

Simply then, Ruben swung the crowbar at Oscar’s girlfriend, placing her on the again. He turned and headed towards the officers, passing an American flag mounted beside the household’s entrance door.

Ruben, nonetheless 10 months shy of being eligible for a driver’s license, raised the crowbar with each palms, in keeping with police. They mentioned one of many officers ordered him to drop it. He informed him to cease.

Ruben saved coming.

The officer fired two rounds, and collapsed.

The mourners filed towards the funeral house’s white double doorways, a few of them in black fits or clothes and others in orange T-shirts, as a result of that was Ruben’s favourite coloration.

As they handed, a girl handed out copies of an open letter that Ruben’s father, Oscar Urbina, had written to Officer Robert Choyce, the seven-year veteran of the police pressure who shot his son.

“A Letter Of Forgiveness,” it was titled, however most of what got here subsequent was laced with fury.

“Whatever the circumstances surrounding my youngster demise….he did not do something incorrect…you probably did,” wrote Urbina, who’d been touring when Ruben was killed. “The distinction between you and us is that…you’re GUILTY. Our child is harmless.”

Urbina contended that the officer, who did not reply to a request for remark, ought to have used a Taser or pepper spray to cease Ruben. His older boy, Oscar, agreed, however he additionally believed the encounter ended precisely the best way his brother meant it to.

Already, Prince William County Commonwealth’s Lawyer Paul B. Ebert had concluded the capturing was justified as a result of, he mentioned, Ruben “was prepared, keen and capable of inflict demise or critical bodily hurt upon the responding officers.” Ebert mentioned he thought-about ita basic “suicide by cop,” the one one involving a juvenile he may bear in mind in his 52-year profession as a prosecutor.

“You would not suppose a teen would need to commit suicide by cop,” Ebert mentioned. “He needed to be considerate, extraordinarily premeditated.”

Ruben’s demise wasn’t formally counted as a suicide, as a result of he did not pull the set off, however its uncommon and public nature drew nationwide headlines – and uncommon consideration to 1 teenager’s obvious effort to finish his personal life.

On common, one youngster underneath the age of 18 dedicated suicide each six hours final 12 months, in keeping with a Put up overview of latest information launched Dec. 21 by the Facilities for Illness Management and Prevention.

Practically half of these youngsters died from hanging, strangulation or suffocation, whereas 41 p.c used weapons. The entire quantity – 1,533 – was the biggest in at the least a decade, almost doubling over that interval.

Seven of them had been 9 years outdated.

Those that examine youth suicide, and search to curb its continued surge, concentrate on prevention. Proof reveals, in keeping with the CDC, that youngsters usually tend to act on impulse if they’ve fast entry to “deadly means,” notably highly effective medicine or loaded firearms. Simply as vital, specialists say, is successfully treating youngsters’ underlying psychological sickness, and it was this level that had lingered within the thoughts of Ruben’s mom, Rosaura Urbina, after he was killed. Her son had already tried and didn’t overdose and to hold himself, and so they did not have a gun of their house. However Ruben, she realized, had devised a special solution to entry deadly means.

She believed the officer used pointless pressure, however Rosaura additionally could not grasp what made “my beloved Ruben,” as she known as him in Spanish on the funeral, need to die. A long time in the past, she and her husband had each immigrated to this nation from Mexico. They’d every include nothing, however the couple, now U.S. residents, mentioned they’d accomplished the perfect they may for his or her troubled American-born teenagers. Oscar, 55, labored as a Verizon technician and Rosaura, 43, as a McDonald’s supervisor, and collectively, they saved sufficient cash to maneuver from a cell house in Fairfax County to their very own neatly furnished, three-bedroom townhouse in Haymarket.

After Ruben’s killing, although, Rosaura could not assist however query the alternatives they’d made.

He had by no means confirmed indicators of melancholy earlier than the transfer, so what if they’d by no means left? What in the event that they’d let him cease taking his antipsychotic treatment after he’d complained that it disrupted his moods? Have been his exemplary grades a false indicator that his thoughts had lastly quieted? Ought to they’ve taken him to the hospital that evening, after he tried to hold himself, as a substitute of ready?

She’d woken up early the subsequent morning and known as Ruben’s psychiatrist for steering. Somebody within the physician’s workplace mentioned they could not get her son in that day, so she ought to take him to the emergency room.

And that was her plan, even after Ruben had come downstairs and shared fried eggs and bacon along with her.

“Are you OK?” she’d requested.

“I am fantastic,” he’d mentioned.

Minutes later, after he obtained the knife, she realized that he’d known as the police. Rosaura was relieved. They’d calm him down, she thought. With the officers en route, and her older son making an attempt to consolation Ruben within the storage, she dashed again inside to get able to take him to the hospital.

Then, as Rosaura modified garments in her bed room, she heard two pops.

A police spokesman declined to debate what Rosaura mentioned occurred subsequent, when she ran exterior to seek out Ruben lifeless on the bottom. She requested Choyce why he’d shot her son, and this, she recalled, was the officer’s response: “As a result of he requested me for it.”

Jessica stood within the shade of a tall granite slab, simply behind a maroon tent the place dozens of individuals had crowded round Ruben’s urn on the cemetery.

She clutched a field of tissues in her palms, and from a string round her neck hung a beaded bracelet Ruben had introduced her again from his summer season journey to Mexico. She wearing an orange T-shirt, for him, and on her left wrist she wore an orange band.

“We’re Ruben,” learn an inscription alongside the surface. When a instructor had given it to her in school that morning, Jessica sunk to the hallway flooring and wept.

Amid the swell of grief, guilt had additionally begun to flicker in her thoughts. Jessica knew Ruben had a crush on her, and the teenager questioned if possibly if she may have mentioned one thing to him that might have modified the course he took. However she knew, too, that there wasn’t at all times a solution – that generally folks her age, or any age, needed to die for inexplicable causes.

Jessica by no means may articulate why she’d tried suicide that one evening in eighth grade, or why she’d felt so sad within the months earlier than it. Her life was nice, she mentioned. She had pals, loving dad and mom, good grades, however none of it appeared to matter on the time.

Solely after weathering months of failed group remedy and ineffective medicines, damaging misdiagnoses and an unaccommodating insurer, did she finally start to discover a sense of calm. The transfer in ninth grade to PACE, with its small school rooms and affected person method, had additionally helped.

And so had Ruben.

He knew the best way to soothe her when she had panic assaults. It is simply in your head, he would say till she believed him.

He additionally knew the best way to make her snicker, particularly the time he posted an image of himself on Instagram, posing similar to a feminine good friend of theirs at all times did, eyes closed, head cocked, hand beneath his chin, a crown of digital flowers wrapped round his head.

He tried, repeatedly, to show her the best way to play one in all his favourite video video games, “Name of Responsibility,” so they may get pleasure from it collectively.

“There’s so many buttons on the controller,” she’d complain.

Most of all, Jessica cherished their walks – the one when, after a rainstorm, he gave her a piggyback journey by the mud and almost dropped her; and after that, once they came across a giant black snake and he or she screamed, and he thought it was hilarious; and in June, once they discovered a child fowl on the bottom and introduced it again, warmed it with a heating pad and fed it mushy canine treats, then took it to a wildlife middle and ended their good day with burritos from Moe’s Southwest Grill.

Even after she knew Ruben was lifeless, Jessica texted his quantity.

She messaged as soon as that she was releasing an orange balloon into the sky for him. Later, she despatched a set of his favourite emoji: a taco, a hammer and sickle, an Easter Island head.

“I miss you,” she wrote. “I want you had been right here.”

One after one other, the native TV reporters had knocked on the Urbina household’s entrance door, asking for remark, so repeatedly Ruben’s father went exterior and gave them one.

“We simply do not understand how we will survive this,” he mentioned.

“My child was taken from us for no cause in any respect,” he mentioned.

Urbina nonetheless did not know the exact particulars, as a result of he could not stand to listen to them, however he remained satisfied that his son ought to nonetheless be alive.

Of their lounge, he and 18-year-old Oscar talked of the way it had come to this.

“You and I do know the medication isn’t a difficulty,” Urbina mentioned, referring to Ruben’s antipsychotics.

“The factor is, I do not know that,” Oscar mentioned.

His father could not be swayed.

“It is irrelevant whether or not he was in a way of thinking,” Urbina mentioned, arguing that the officer ought to have merely subdued Ruben. The teenager, he believed, was too small to pose an actual risk.

For Oscar, the reply wasn’t that easy.

“I am unable to assist however, , attempt to discover somebody accountable,” he mentioned. “Ought to I blame me? Ought to I blame my dad and mom? Ought to I blame the officer? I do not know who, as a result of I simply really feel like so many issues went incorrect that we may have accomplished higher.”

He struggled to know what had incited Ruben that morning, most of all as a result of his youthful brother had despatched him a humorous online game meme of Mario’s head atop a futuristic warrior’s physique simply 81 minutes earlier than the capturing.

Oscar informed his dad he knew the household did not need to concentrate on Ruben’s melancholy.

“That is not the problem,” Urbina mentioned.

“However it’s important to understand, that’s the situation, as a result of that is why that occurred.”

“No, the problem is the choice that the man made,” Urbina mentioned of the officer.

One thing good, although, wanted to return from Ruben’s demise, his brother maintained. Folks wanted to pay extra consideration to youngsters combating psychological sickness, and possibly this could assist.

“Though any person might look like they’re doing good – I do know you don’t need it to be about that,” Oscar mentioned, “however irrespective of how good they could -.”

“It’s very irrelevant,” his dad interjected. “As a result of regardless of the case, we had been – he had the assistance.”

“I do know he had the assistance, however irrespective of how a lot assist, what number of rehabs have I – what number of locations have I been?”

“I do know -,” Urbina started. Oscar reduce him off.

“Let me discuss. I’ve had assist. I have been OK. Some factors I’ve had the place I have been OK for a very long time,” he mentioned, then pointed at his head. “However that does not change what’s up right here.”

Ruben had used nearly those self same phrases the evening he’d tried to hold himself.

He could not bear the nervousness anymore, Ruben informed his brother. The unyielding melancholy.

“It is an excessive amount of.”

(This story has not been edited by NDTV employees and is auto-generated from a syndicated feed.)

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